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Why do narcissists never apologise?

Narcissists are known for being self-centred and self-absorbed. They love to use others and take advantage of them. They don’t apologise because it’s not in their nature.

I just watched Rolf Harris: Hiding in Plain Sight on ITVX and it occurred to me how even after he spent nearly six years in prison he honestly believes he's done nothing wrong: "I understand we live in the post truth era and know few will want to know what really happened during the three criminal trials I faced – it's easier to condemn me and liken me to people like Savile and [Gary] Glitter."

Rolf Harris

If you've never encountered a true Narcissist - I'm talking someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder - you may not understand this. They don't apologise because doing so will make them look weak and vulnerable. Their biggest fear is to feel bad about themselves, something they work extremely hard to avoid. So if you criticise them or want some kind of apology, you will feel their wrath. 

Often a narcissist is not aware of how their words and actions affect someone. This derives from the fact they never matured emotionally. They had arrested development at around six years old - so never learned empathy or emotional intelligence.

That's why you will often find a narcissist getting married and wanting children. It gives them the status they need and can hide behind. If they are a family person, have a job or a business, they surely are a person in society to be respected and trusted. Often that's just a facade. 

Narcissists often have a tendency to think they deserve some kind of special treatment. Often this is within close friendships or relationships. Their needs come first and others should cater to them accordingly.

I always feel sorry for the spouse of a narcissist. They learn how to not anger them and in the end it just becomes about survival. They are often trapped in this manipulative and controlling marriage, where love is conditional.

Narcissists don't learn from their mistakes. They continue in the same vein, but will tell you that next time they'll do better. They will expect you to forgive them over and over again - but without any effort on their part to truly try and change their behaviour.

In the Rolf Harris documentary, a close family friend received a letter from Harris while he was in prison. He said that it's taking him some time to digest the anger he feels against this injustice, that he's done nothing wrong and is just being used as a scapegoat.

Watching the documentary shows how many lives of young women he's ruined, who were either groomed by him or just taken advantage of. Him, a man adored by the world, a man in power, a peadophile, a narcissist.

So next time someone you know never apologises, always blames the other, is controlling and manipulative, gives you word salad when you criticise them - go and google to see who you are dealing with.